how to stop waiting for your life to begin

a note on procrastination in the fast-paced world and how to remember what you once dreamed of

There’s a peculiarity that comes with living in a fast-paced world, because no matter how many opportunities I have to curate the life I long for, I can’t bring myself to do so.

Life has been an amalgamation of I’ll do it later’s: goals that become a series of procrastinated daydreams that never seem to come to an end, wishful thinking that never blossoms into action, and plans that falter before they truly begin.

The faster life moves around you — until everything blurs — the harder it becomes to stay grounded in your goals.

We’re consistently inundated with aspirational material and people who, through the pixels of a screen, seem to have exactly what we long for. So we reach in and take that as inspiration for our own lives until another piece of inspiration comes along that takes precedence.

A “better” version of the life I dream of is a mere scroll away, leaving behind the one I’m destined for. Dreams become ephemera, a snapshot of who I once longed to be, and are replaced by newer, shinier ones.

And now I sit in a Portland coffee shop, nearly twenty-eight years old, with no clear dream anymore. My dreams have become a mish-mash of other people’s rather than my own. What I once pictured for myself has become lost and muddled in the cocktail shaker of a world around me. So many ingredients have been added that I forgot what recipe I set out to make.

And it is because of this I’ve made an active attempt to slow down—to listen to my soul’s cries for home and finally allow it to begin its trek back. How I’ve started is still a work in progress, but some ways of living have helped me:

---

1. Five-year plans aren’t corny—they work.

My most consistent problem is that I believe I am thinking long-term. Because a goal has a long-term result, I’ve thought that meant I was making long-term decisions. And as much as I’d like to think the opposite, it is still thinking short-term.

It’s always about how I can make myself feel better in a specific moment of doubt or insecurity, rather than altering myself and the world around me to give myself the space to truly reach long-term goals.

Sometimes five years is too long, especially now. Instead, I’ve started with one and two-year plans. What do I want to have achieved in one year from now? Who will I be when I reach this goal? How will I know I’ve accomplished it?

2. You aren’t meant to know what someone’s life looks like.

It’s something I’ve heard year after year, and something I remind myself of too often. As much as I do remind myself that comparing my life to someone else’s is not productive, it is damn-near impossible not to.

We were never meant to know what the daily lives of someone across the world are like. Sure, knowing cultures and belief systems is necessary to understand the world around us. But knowing how much money someone (apparently) has, how they spend their day-to-day lives, or what their success looks like under the microscope of social media content was never meant for us to know.

Seeing strangers’ lives in such intimate detail makes you question your own. Now multiply that by the number of different people you scroll past on social media each day.

It goes beyond jealousy. Seeing so much aspirational material day in and day out kills your inner self. It’s become a matter of “how I can be like them?” rather than “how I can become an improved version of myself?”

Thus, the problem with a lack of individuality.

3. Analog over digital.

There is a common misconception that working with pen and paper allows for things to be misplaced. I believe the opposite.

Having everything in one place (i.e., your phone) makes missing things much easier. Reminders, journal entries, notes, mental health trackers, Pinterest boards—the list goes on. Just as much as I am bombarded with other people’s lives on social media, I am also overloaded with my own life. You aren’t able to pick and choose what information you seek out if everything lives in your phone.

Instead, I’ve opted for a notebook/journaling ecosystem:

• A journal: I am the biggest proponent of the idea that in order to become a better writer, reader, and person, you need to journal. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy—don’t let the folks on social media make you think you need fancy pens, highlighters, picture printers, etc, to journal. A simple spiral-bound notebook and a pen are all you need.

• A consumption journal: A journal to chronicle the pieces of media I consume each day. I use this to mindfully consume media rather than doom-scroll. It’s helped me distance myself from feeling like my goals aren’t big or significant enough.

• A planner: Calendars and reminders in my phone are just bound to get lost in the mess of my notification center, so I’ve opted for a traditional planner instead. Everything is in there, all in one place, for when I want to look for it. Nothing to distract me, nothing to take importance.

• A brain dump journal: If I’m not home, at the very least, my brain dump journal is with me. If something comes to mind, this is where I write it down instead of in the notes app: something to journal about later, a task I need to add to my planner, an idea, etc. In a way, this journal almost acts like a bullet journal, but more for housing my ideas rather than staying organized—that’s what the other journals are for.

I combine my consumption journal, planner, and brain dump journal in my Studio Oh! x Hunter Rambler Refillable Notebook, so I can take them everywhere with me. I use the Paper Republic Grand Voyageur Leather Journal for my journal, which I keep at home to avoid losing it in the world.

4. Write letters to yourself.

The best way to track my progress is to record my current state in real time. My favorite way of doing this is writing a letter to myself—a lot of which tend to be more stream of consciousness. Then I date it and shut it in an envelope, writing the date I intend to open it again.

You can learn so much from just one month, six months, a year … and this is my favorite way to learn about the progress I’ve made.

It can also put things into perspective about the pace you’ve been moving toward whatever you’re working toward.

---

Slow down. Your mind, your body, your soul, and your future will thank you for it.

---

Youtube | Instagram | Preorder my Debut Novel | Patreon

So It Goes is only possible thanks to the support of its supporters. If you’d like to become a paid supporter and gain access to:

• Interviews with your favorite bookish content creators, authors, and publishing professionals

• Then, Again, my serialized queer novel (coming soon)

• Exclusive video content (reading vlogs, livestreams, etc.)

Please consider subscribing to help me continue to crank out melodramatic pieces like these!

Thank you, regardless of any support you give me as a writer and creator.